Eraption 1



Clash of the Universities

La Salista: Talagang magaling ang mga taga-La Salle, marami kaming Mayor, Congressman, Governor at Singer.

Atenista: Wala lahat yan, kami may presidente, si Erap, pinakabobo pa sa amin yan!





Press conference on environment at Malacanang:

PDI Reporter: Mr. President, what are the pollutants in the Philippines.

Erap: There are several pollutants. This includes Bopis, Sisig, chitcharon, Daing, Liempo at mani.





In an emergency room…

Erap: Doctor! Doctor! I swallowed a bone

Doctor: Are you choking?

Erap: No, I’m serious!!!





Erap while still in Gradeschool:

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?

Erap: Eh, di 9.

Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?

Erap: Gagaguhin ninyo pa ako, eh binaligtad ninyo lang, eh di 6!!!





While in Drugstore:

Erap: I’d like some vitamins for my Grandson.

Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?

Erap: It does matter, cause he can’t read yet!!!





While in a state visit to Washington, D.C.:

Bill Clinton: You know, we Americans hate you Filipinos going TNT in our country. Sorry if I’m Frank.

Erap (shocked): It’s Okay, I thought you were Bill!!!





While hailing a taxicab in Makati:

Erap: Magkano papuntang San Juan?

Driver: Ikaw lang bang mag-isa?

Erap: Bakit, di ka ba sasama?





While in Luneta:

Erap: Bro. Mike, can prostitute be saved?

Bro. Mike: Siyempre!

Erap: Sige, I-save mo ako para sa Sabado nights





While in Pizzeria:

Erap: What are your specialties?

Waiter: Sir, we serve all kinds of pizza.

Erap: Talaga?, bigyan mo ang ako ng Shakeys!!





Erap calling U.P. Diliman:

Erap: Hello! Is this Diliman?

Operator; No, this is Padre Faura!

Erap: I’m sorry father, wrong number!!!





Loi while laboring:

Erap phoned a doctor, asking for assistance.

Erap: Doc, what will I do? Loi is laboring and she’s in pain.

Doctor: Is this her first baby?

Erap: No, this is Erap.





While taking a shower at home and calling for Loi:

Erap: Bakit walang shampoo dito?

Loi: Anong wala, kabibili ko lang kanina ng shampoo, eh!

Erap: Eh, puro for Dry Hair lang ang meron, basa na ang buhok ko!!!





In a science class:

Classmate: Bakit yung airplane pag umiikot ang elisi, umaangat sa lupa? Bakit yung bentilador kahit umiikot, nasa mesa pa din?

Erap: Tanga ka pala eh! Kasi yung bentilador may kurdon, pinipigilan yon!!!





During a state dinner with the wives in Washington, Dc.

Bill to Hillary: Please pass the sugar, SWEETHEART

Blair to wife: Please pass the honey, HONEYBUNCH

Erap to Loi: Please pass the pork, PORKYPIG





Buntis

Jinggoy: Dad, anong palang tawag sa damit na pambuntis? Fraternity dress ba?

Erap: Mali! Panlalake yon! Sorority dress dapat!





President

Marcos proved that you’ll be rich if you become President.

Cory proved that anyone can be president.

Erap is proving that we don’t need a president.





LITERS

Question: Ilang liters meron and Coke 2000

Erap: Apat! Liter C, liter O, liter K, liter E (he-he-he) Huwag ninyo akong subukan





GENIE

Genie: Your wish is my command, master!

Erap: Talaga!, sige gusto kong tumalino

Genie: Master, pakibukas ng bote.

Erap: Iinumin ko ba ang laman?
Genie: Hindi, papasok ulit ako!





English Language

Cory: Bakit ayaw mo ng English language?

Erap: Nakakalito kasi. Ang isda, pis, ang mukha ay pis, ang katahimikan ay pis din

Sa mga subdivision ay may Pis 1, Pis 2, Pis 3





Erap to everyone

Erap to criminals: Huwag ninyo akong subukan!!!

Erap to politician: Huwag ninyo akong subukan!!!

Erap to Monica Lewinski: Ako naman subukan mo!





Condolence

Erap: (crying) doc called, Mom’s dead

Zamora: Condolence, sir

After two minutes (Erap cries even louder)

Zamora: What now?

Erap: My sister just callled, her mom died too!…




Manero

Zamora : Mr. President, huwag kayong matakot kay Manero, hindi kayo papatayin noon.

President: Bakit naman hindi ako papatayin noon ay balak kong ipabalik siya sa Munti.Zamora:

Sir, kasi ang pinapatay ni Manero ay kinakain niya ang utak. Eh, kayo, wala kayong utak kaya Hindi niya gagawin na patayin kayo.







Why Erap?

Bakit ERAP ang nickname in ERAP?

Kasi, ERAPturuan

ERAP mag-english

ERAP maglakad

ERAP magsalita

ERAP makaintindi

ERAP paniwalaan

at ang tao, ERAP na ERAP na!





Black tie

ERAP: Nakakahiya!

JINGGOY: Bakit Dad?

ERAP: Sabi sa invitation black tie only, pagdating ko dun, may suot din pala silang polo at pantalon!





Bribes

STANLEY HO: Mr. President, please accept this Mercedes Benz as sign of my appreciation to you

ERAP: Sorry, I don’t accept bribes

SH: I’ll just sell it to you for P100

ERAP: Okay, I’ll get two!





Erap sings

ERAP: (singing) "Mile away . . . . you’re so many mile away from me..."

LOI: Hon, lagyan mo ng letter "s" ang mile!

ERAP: Smile away, you’re so many smile away from me . . ."





Underwear

DOCTOR: I need your semen, urine and stool samples

ERAP: I am a bit in a hurry. Can I just leave my underwear?

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